I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
