Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
