The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
