I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
barbara walters just said penis...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Acid is not a monday night drug
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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