I want to have your abortion
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
