did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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