Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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