a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
