Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
