i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
handjob tips. give me some.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
