I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
