i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
