You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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