I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
