so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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