Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
