and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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