I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
