When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
