last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
