May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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