he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
