Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
