WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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