all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
