quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
