Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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