I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
