Fuck appropriateness.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
