My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
