After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
