i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
