In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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