Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
