I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
