its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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