In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
