Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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