This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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