i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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