went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
