Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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