Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
