I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
