If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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