She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
