Sry I called you an 8
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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