dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
