my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
