I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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