It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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