this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
