Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
