I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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