Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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