so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
