i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
