Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
