Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
