i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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