i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
