I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Shame - the story of my life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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