You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
