woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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