That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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