Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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