i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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