look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
