East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
