Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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