OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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