i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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