i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
