she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
