am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
smell my finger.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
